Valentine’s Day: Poldark Explains the Science of Love
Every Valentine’s Day, I get the same thought, usually while watching couples queue for overpriced chocolates or nervously clutching bouquets bigger than their confidence.
This is impressive.
Not because of the romance itself, but because of how perfectly human it is.
As a stage hypnotist, my job is to understand attention, imagination, expectation and emotion. I spend my nights watching how easily the human brain responds to suggestion when the conditions are right.
And Valentine’s Day? It’s one of the most elegant psychological setups we’ve ever collectively agreed to.
Love Isn’t Magic—It’s a State of Mind (Literally)
When people hear “hypnosis,” they imagine control. In reality, hypnosis is cooperation. Nothing happens unless the person expects it to.
Romantic love works the same way.
Neuroscience shows that when we feel ‘in love’ the brain releases a cocktail of chemicals; dopamine (reward), oxytocin (bonding), serotonin (mood regulation and adrenaline (excitement). This chemical surge changes how we perceive the world. Colours feel brighter. Time feels different. Flaws fade into the background.
Sound familiar?
That’s because the brain is entering a focused emotional state, very similar to what happens during hypnosis. Attention narrows. Meaning intensifies. The moment matters more.
Valentine’s Day doesn’t create love. It amplifies whatever emotional state is already there.
Expectation Is the Most Powerful Aphrodisiac
On stage, if I tell someone, “In a moment, your hand will feel light and float upward” and they expect it to happen, their brain starts helping me out. The muscles relax. Attention shifts. Imagination fills in the gaps. By the time the hand rises, it feels effortless, almost inevitable.
Valentine’s Day works on the same principle. Weeks of buildup. Social reinforcement. Movies, adverts, music, traditions…
By the time the dinner reservation arrives, your brain is already primed to feel something special. The candlelight doesn’t cause romance, it signals the brain that romance is expected.
And the brain loves meeting expectations.
Why Small Gestures Sometimes Feel Huge
Ever notice how a handwritten note can feel more powerful than an expensive gift? That’s not sentimentality, that’s psychology. Meaning beats magnitude.
In hypnosis, a simple phrase delivered at the right moment can feel profound, while a dramatic suggestion at the wrong time falls flat. Emotional timing matters more than effort.
The same is true in love.
A small gesture, delivered with presence and intention, lands directly in the emotional brain. It tells someone, “You matter. I see you”. That message triggers oxytocin, the bonding chemical and suddenly the moment feels bigger than it objectively is.
The brain doesn’t measure love in pounds. It measures it in meaning.
Romance Is a Shared Suggestion
One of the biggest myths about hypnosis is that one person ‘does something’ to another. In reality, as mentioned hypnosis is a collaboration. The hypnotist sets the frame. The participant brings the experience to life.
Romantic relationships work exactly the same way.
You’re not casting spells on each other. You’re agreeing, often unconsciously, on a shared story.
“This is special”, “This matters”, “This person feels like home”.
Valentine’s Day is just a socially sanctioned moment where millions of people reaffirm that story at the same time. And when both people are invested in the same emotional frame, the experience deepens naturally.
Why Valentine’s Day Can Also Feel… Weird
Here’s the part people don’t talk about much.
If hypnosis relies on expectation and agreement, what happens when someone doesn’t believe the suggestion? Nothing.
That’s why Valentine’s Day can feel uncomfortable, disappointing or even lonely for some people. The cultural message says, “You should feel love today.” But emotions don’t work on command.
In hypnosis, forcing a response breaks the trance.
In relationships, pressure does the same.
There’s nothing wrong with you if Valentine’s Day doesn’t spark fireworks. It just means the emotional conditions weren’t aligned and that’s human, not broken.
What a Stage Hypnotist Actually Thinks Love Is
After years of watching the mind respond to suggestion, I’ve come to a simple conclusion:
Love is not about control. It’s about attention.
What you focus on grows. What you reinforce becomes real. What you treat as meaningful starts to feel meaningful.
Valentine’s Day works when people use it as a reminder to be present, to slow down, make eye contact, listen, touch and appreciate. Those behaviours shift brain chemistry far more reliably than grand gestures ever could.
The Real Valentine’s Day Takeaway
If I could give one piece of Valentine’s advice, it would be this:
Create the state, not the spectacle.
Put the phone away.
Lower the noise.
Let the moment breathe.
When someone feels fully seen and emotionally safe, their brain does the rest. No tricks. No manipulation. Just biology doing what it does best when conditions are right.
That’s not magic. That’s science and honestly, that’s way more romantic anyway.
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